Lets talk about....

No not sex (baby, Lets talk about you and me....), OCD (aka Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) So back when I got my official Bipolar Disorder Type 2 diagnosis I was also diagnosed with OCD tendencies. Today one of my friends, with OCD posted a link on Facebook http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-no-one-tells-you-about-having-ocd_p2/ about OCD. I now see where the OCD tendencies comes from. My biggest one is #4, literally each and every day I have periods of time where all I can see is someone, usually one or both of my boys, getting into an accident or something horrible happening to them, and its usually in graphic detail. It's not me doing something to them, its just some kind of accident, like Olivier throwing a fit while we are walking on the side walk and jumping off the sidewalk into traffic, or I'm walking someplace with Cedric and he is squirming and I drop him (and don't get my started about heights with railings, or carrying Cedric at the mall near the railing and I somehow manage to drop him because I tripped). This is not fun for me. In fact it's rather depressing and scary and puts me into a major funk. People laugh when you say OCD, they think its all about counting or doing a repetitive movement or NEEDING things cleaned a certain way, but its not. Obsessing about people you love getting hurt is not fun. I have a routine or certain way I like things done, and I can get panic attacks just from doing something different, like when we went to Montreal in the Spring. I am used to going a certain way, I have different rest stops that I will use (no others) and I know the way and what to expect. Jonathan wanted to take the new highway instead. It was not a fun trip for me, I fought to go the usual way, I did NOT want to take highway 50. Even he could tell I was stressed. On the way home we took 'my' way. Its not even a big deal taking a different route, but I need that consistency. Not knowing what to expect or having back up plans in case X,Y and Z happens (I always have back up plans, and more back up plans and they are always ready way before I need them just in case there is a change I can 'fix' it). If someone tells me something, like when Cedric had his last pediatric specialist appointment for his reflux, the dr said that his soft spot was almost closed and thats very early for 6 months of age but not to worry, we will keep an eye on it. I already have a plan in place for if he would need surgery to fix it, but I still constantly worry about it and him needing surgery, even though chances are he wont need it, and I know this but I can't help myself.
Maybe if people realized that OCD is more than just turning a light on and off 4 times before leaving a room or the sink needing to be clean before they go to bed, they wouldn't laugh or joke about it as much as they do. The same could be said for Bipolar as well when someone has a mood swing. But I digress.