Hi, my name is Melanie and I am a bookworm. **Allegiant Spoilers Ahead**

So for as long as I can remember my stepmom and my dad took me and my brothers, and eventually my sister once she came along, to the library. We were all pretty avid readers, Stephane and Whitney probably the least, but I was definitely the one that devoured books. And it didn't stop as i got older, in fact I think it's gotten worse as I have gotten older, if that's even popular. I love books. I am very invested in books. I have a Kobo Aura HD e-reader, as well a pretty big bookcase full of books (its actually too full and some are in boxes). I like book series, trilogies or series the most. Although I hate, hate hate waiting for the next book in a series to come out. Its pure agony for me. Well the latest source of agony just came out, Allegiant. And when I say just came out, I mean it, it was released yesterday and when I got home from my nice, new shiny hardcopy was waiting for me on my front step. I knew it had been delivered because I had checked this afternoon on Chapters to see where it was (after seeing in the morning it had arrived in the city!). I tore it open the first chance I got. Since Cedric had vaccines this morning I had taken the day off. And I finished just before lunch. I have never been so heartbroken in my life for a book. The only time I remember crying this much was with the last Harry Potter, so that is saying a lot. I think I was as much invested in the Divergent series as I was Harry Potter. And this ending, I don't know what to think. I don't feel like I had a satisfied ending. I feel like there could have been a different story told and not kill off 2 of my favorite characters in the book and leaving the 3 characters who should have died alive, and 2 of them are happy in the epilogue. It just doesn't seem right to me. Tobais should have been happy too, but 2 years later  you can see it still hurts for him. He is doing good with his life, but he is broken, forever. He will never recover from what happened to him. How the author can do that to characters that she loves it beyond me. I know we can't always have a happy ending, but this ending, killing Uriah was bad enough, but then killing Tris as well...it's kind of devastating as a reader, watching her and Tobias finally figure out how to function normally as a couple, to learn to be honest and to trust and just TALK about what they were thinking, and then the next day Tris is dead. And Caleb, Marcus and Evelyn are all alive. Even Peter lives! And he gets to take the cowards way out and erase his memory with the Abnegation serum. But she kills two of the best people in the books. Characters who everyone loved. Poor Uriah, whose life was full of death, first his father, then Maureen and Lynn.
The ending threw me off so much that I can't even tell if I liked the book or hated the book. The first 2/3 of the book are pretty good, the back story and seeing the reactions of Cara, Christina along with the rest of them, to the outside world. Tobias being manipulated by Nita and meeting Matthew, a character i wish had been in the whole series because he was that loveable. Even David, who reminded me a lot of Janine even though he was supposed to be a 'good guy'. Learning about Tris and Caleb's mother, and where she came from and how she knew about the outside world. It was all fascinating, but then I feel like it was ruined. I'm going to have to read it again, but I'm kind of scared reading it will solidify a hatred for a book, and I've never hated a book before. Disliked yes. Hated? Never.

Lets talk about....

No not sex (baby, Lets talk about you and me....), OCD (aka Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) So back when I got my official Bipolar Disorder Type 2 diagnosis I was also diagnosed with OCD tendencies. Today one of my friends, with OCD posted a link on Facebook http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-no-one-tells-you-about-having-ocd_p2/ about OCD. I now see where the OCD tendencies comes from. My biggest one is #4, literally each and every day I have periods of time where all I can see is someone, usually one or both of my boys, getting into an accident or something horrible happening to them, and its usually in graphic detail. It's not me doing something to them, its just some kind of accident, like Olivier throwing a fit while we are walking on the side walk and jumping off the sidewalk into traffic, or I'm walking someplace with Cedric and he is squirming and I drop him (and don't get my started about heights with railings, or carrying Cedric at the mall near the railing and I somehow manage to drop him because I tripped). This is not fun for me. In fact it's rather depressing and scary and puts me into a major funk. People laugh when you say OCD, they think its all about counting or doing a repetitive movement or NEEDING things cleaned a certain way, but its not. Obsessing about people you love getting hurt is not fun. I have a routine or certain way I like things done, and I can get panic attacks just from doing something different, like when we went to Montreal in the Spring. I am used to going a certain way, I have different rest stops that I will use (no others) and I know the way and what to expect. Jonathan wanted to take the new highway instead. It was not a fun trip for me, I fought to go the usual way, I did NOT want to take highway 50. Even he could tell I was stressed. On the way home we took 'my' way. Its not even a big deal taking a different route, but I need that consistency. Not knowing what to expect or having back up plans in case X,Y and Z happens (I always have back up plans, and more back up plans and they are always ready way before I need them just in case there is a change I can 'fix' it). If someone tells me something, like when Cedric had his last pediatric specialist appointment for his reflux, the dr said that his soft spot was almost closed and thats very early for 6 months of age but not to worry, we will keep an eye on it. I already have a plan in place for if he would need surgery to fix it, but I still constantly worry about it and him needing surgery, even though chances are he wont need it, and I know this but I can't help myself.
Maybe if people realized that OCD is more than just turning a light on and off 4 times before leaving a room or the sink needing to be clean before they go to bed, they wouldn't laugh or joke about it as much as they do. The same could be said for Bipolar as well when someone has a mood swing. But I digress.

The one

So it's been 3 weeks today since starting my new medication. I'm still not at my full dose yet, you have to start Lamictal sloooowly (otherwise there are some nasty side effects) so I'm actually only at my second dose, and I still have at least more time to up my dose, next Wednesday. So far I think it is the best medication I have taken so far. I think it seems to be working, albeit slowly, but Jonathan said it seemed to be working as well so hopefully we found the right medication, now its just to find the right dosage. I don't know too much about the medication so hopefully at my next appointment I will have a better idea of dosing and that. I just wanted to check in and tell you all how its going!